1. |
Now and Then
02:35
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I'll never finish this message to you
I'm done wasting my days
Trying to get through
We took the chance, took the train
I still don’t know why our paths changed
So awfully soon
He only wants it every now and then
I want it again and again
Well I really don’t understand men
Once in a while ain’t enough
I started writing my messages too soon
You didn’t give me the time that it takes to know you
When I was there
I started writing you at 1 am
I didn’t know I was like that
I let that sink it
He only wants it every now and then
I want it again and again
Well I really don’t understand men
Once in a while ain’t enough
Now if you see me on the street
See me at the bar
I’m going through something
I used to have an ego
I had it this far
But now he’s ignoring me
So I’m nothing
But an empty room
If I were anything to you
I’ll be gone soon, I’ll be traveling
Clearly I got some growing to do
If the boy ain’t available
I got dreams to pursue
He only wanted every now and then
I wanted again and again
Well I really don’t understand men
Once in a while ain’t enough
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2. |
Changed Man
02:40
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So you’re a changed man? It’s been a long time
You have a child now
I thought of her, started to pray
That she would never do
The things I've done and still do
I’m a sinner, you’re a father now
Ain’t asking you to forgive me
I wont put my hands together
I know your daughter will not turn out the way I did
You know I used to be good
That scares you now, could it not?
To see her go her own way
And she ain't turing back no
She wants to walk
I'm a sinner, you’re a father now
Ain't asking you to forgive me
I won’t put my hands together
I know your daughter will not turn out the way I did
Because you remember me when shit fell through
When you loved me and I left you
And you wont let her get to where I went
When I loved you and you left me then
You are a changed man it’s been a long time
You have a child now
I thought of her, started to pray
That she would never do
The things I’ve done and will do
I’m a sinner, you’re a father now
Ain’t asking you to forgive me
I won’t put my hands together
We both know that your daughter will not turn out like me
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3. |
Los Angeles
03:12
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He asked me on the way to LA,
He'd asked me a different day
He wanted to see if my answer changed
If I’d become more positive
He said what is love to you?
I looked at the sky and his face
He seemed earnestly curious
So I took a breath and I said
Love leaves when you’re close
It’s elusive like a ghost
And love rewards those who wanna control
somebody else’s bones
My answer made him sad he said
man what happened to make you so insecure?
I said I could trace it back to a few things
He said listen to what love is for the record
He said love lives in your heart
It’s the binding force in us all
And love rewards you
It’s the greatest thing you can ever do
His answer made me sad
talking about an experience I never had
Oh no I had the opposite
Been with the devil
I had to shake him off of me
Uh huh, you’re from Los Angeles
Tell me about the heat there
As we drove into the city I wondered if love was a privilege
Lord knows you told us we were poor
What does happen in the heartland
When you put down your seeds in red dirt?
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4. |
The Goddamn Moment
03:37
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I lived there years ago and you’re still there
Football throwing in short sleeves
And the leaves are falling by the sea
You’re still there in memory
I used to wait in the park for you
And we would wait all night to see the sun
Oh, the craziness of being young
It’s crazy ain’t it fun?
Now I must I must tell you
That my heart has been saying
We left too soon
Darling I adore you
Even when the tub floods and the kitchen is burning
There have been many moons since then
Life went on when I thought it had ended
Oh, the crazy thoughts in my head
What made them crazy was how long I had them
Nobody wants to hear about the past
Nobody wants to hear about what you had
Nobody wants to know if you’re thinking of the ocean
Nobody wants to know if you’d rather be in Oakland
Everybody only wants you here with them
Everybody wants you goddammit
Everybody wants you in the present, baby
Everybody wants you in the goddamn moment
The goddamn moment
This goddamn moment
Now I must I must tell you
That my heart has been saying we left too soon
Darling I adore you
Even when the tub floods and the kitchen is burning
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5. |
Modern Words
05:34
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I met you as the night fell
Even in the dark I could tell my boots matched your hat well
But I was distracted by my sadness
Could that be why to you I was attractive?
You asked if I wanted food before the show
We ran across the street
Tofu and rice in pink fluorescent light
Chinese
Inconsequential as it seems, I had no cash on me
You said that’s okay this is our first date
I said I can pay you later you said
If you think it goes that poorly
We read our fortune cookies afterwards
You said you don’t like it when they use modern words
You’d get an email soon
And I’d be wise to keep my eyes open
Later it was clear that you were talking just to be talking to me
You asked me randomly if bingo was gambling
I said what is a gamble?
Does it require money on the table or something?
Now I sing this as a defeated woman
I played the cruel game, I was familiar to it
And the rule holding true between me and you
First one to love would be the first to lose
And I don’t wanna give you one more advantage
It’s just like the loser to be singing about it
At least you wrote this song the night you rode through my town
You wrote the song, I’m just writing it down
By the end of the night my mood had transformed
It must’ve been the moonlight and that charm of yours
But I’m feeling pretty lonely remembering now
You putting on my shoulders your jacket your mouth
You were Denver bound that night for sure
We said goodbye once, we said goodbye twice
And then you hit the road. I played it cool I think
This is for anyone doing just fine before they leave with a wink
The next day he sent me the heart-eyed emoji
See I had a fair shot to keep him on the line if only
If only I wasn’t self-destructive, I mean, sabotaging
If only I had more patience and I didn’t drink
See later that week it was Cinco de Mayo
I was drinking margaritas oh why oh why oh
It’s not a good look to be drunk with your phone
When your lost for a man who’s gone, gone, gone
Now I sing this as a defeated woman
I played the cruel game, you challenged me to it
And the rule holding true with a man like you
If you fall in love, you automatically lose
And I don’t wanna give you one more satisfaction
It’s just like the loser to be singing about it
But at least you wrote this song the night you rode through my town
You wrote the song, I’ve only written it down
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6. |
Unattachment
04:08
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She always loved a traveling man
He didn’t call this place home
She always loved a man who had seen
Freedom she’d never known
She never minded a man stopping by
Before hitting the road
She always loved him
Even though
She lets him in
Give her a story
of a place she’s never been
She falls asleep
He keeps talking
In the morning
he keeps on his journey
She always loved a man who had been climbing mountains
She always loved a man who had been through hell and returned
She always felt that desire to keep him warm
like Wendy Darling to a Lost Boy
She lets him in
Give her a story
of a place she’s never been
She falls asleep
He keeps talking
In the morning
he keeps on his journey
Never committed
Who are you to say that meant something missing?
She listened to that Buddhist man
He said to practice "unattachment"
In life we teach each other
He said he'd come back and they could live together
But full of dreams and naturally naïve
She said it won’t be long now until I'm the one to leave
She always loved a traveling man
He didn’t call this place home
She always loved a man who had seen
Freedom she could never know
She never let a man into her heart
As they would say
A traveling man
Carries all he can anyways
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Julia Helaine Wichita, Kansas
Julia Helaine is a passionate singer-songwriter whose heartfelt lyrics and captivating melodies weave tales of love, loss, and life's journey. Hailing from Wichita, Kansas, Julia draws inspiration from personal experiences and the world around her, crafting songs that resonate with listeners on a deeply emotional level. ... more
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